A conversation about
resilience

What drives successful people? What distinguishes them? What enables them to excel and make a difference? In search of answers to these questions, Erik van Gend talks to people who know how to get the full potential out of themselves. A unique and fascinating series of interviews in which Erik tackles a different subject or theme each time. This time he speaks with Holland’s most popular singer Marco Borsato.

Marco enjoyed decades of great success, but has also had to take quite a beating on both a business and physical level. I meet Marco Borsato in a comfortable setting in his studio, we take a seat on a large deep sofa and what immediately stands out is his enormous charisma and endearment. What follows is one of the most beautiful conversations I can remember in a long time. A conversation about growing up, the love of Italy, resilience, but above all the will to make the most of life.

Both professionally and privately, I believe you lead a successful life. What has shaped you as a person?

I come from a divorced family. An Italian father who was not actively present in our upbringing, except for the six weeks a year I went to Italy. In Holland I felt quite an Italian, only to realize in Italy that I was a Dutchman after all. I lived between these two worlds, I got something beautiful from both sides. The passion of my father and the perseverance of my mother. A true entrepreneur, she always said, “You will start again tomorrow at zero. The till is empty and you will really have to try your best again to get it filled.” And she always said:

“If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right!”

My mother had many such statements and they still stick with me. We weren’t very well off, my father was a flier and didn’t pay child support. Not because he didn’t want to, but he just didn’t have anything to spare. My mother paid for everything, even the vacations to my father in Italy. She was a very hard worker. As the oldest at home, I was pretty responsible, so I took on a newspaper route. My mother then saved that money, and over time I wanted to know what I had saved. I could see her reaction; it just wasn’t there anymore… Things like that were not really expressed, but they shaped me.

Yet you went from a secure existence as a cook to an uncertain one as an artist

I loved being a cook, this was a very service-oriented profession and I liked it when people had a good time. Only those 4 walls came upon me, my world became too small. The road to being a performer was very gradual, at first I sang at my mother’s fashion shows. Then by chance I participated in the Soundmix show, because I heard that someone was wanted for a radio spot and to audition for that I had to participate in the preliminary round of the Soundmix show. Of course without thinking in advance that I would win the finals there. I didn’t know where my ceiling was, but I made a plan a, b and c, almost like a business plan.

It sounds uncharming, but I thought; if it’s going to happen then I have to be prepared. And what we didn’t actually know is that every time we put plan a into action and b automatically followed. By the way, in a childishly simple way, because my image of an artist was that they wore special clothes with nice suits. So I had put my mother to work. What I gradually noticed is that I ran into resistance because of this. People from the record company asked me to leave out those shoulder pads and just put on a blouse. But I thought; then I’ll just be Marco… That’s not special enough, is it?

“Success has allowed me to be myself more and more.”

Actually, it became increasingly clear that if I showed myself, this was good enough. Indeed, better than what I thought I should be. So the self-confidence I tanked with that benefited my personality. I also noticed what singing, with my own feelings and with others did. I had only just won the Soundmix show and I got picture cards for the first time. A blond girl with curls came up to me, about ten years old, and she asked if she could have one of those cards. So of course I gave her the card and she said, “Oh, this one I’ll take to eternity…” Then I thought, that’s quite a crazy statement for a girl that age. So I asked her parents what she meant by that.

The parents said, “Yes, she has an illness and won’t make it to Christmas.” Then later I got a letter from the parents that she had died and they insisted on bringing that card in the casket. Then I thought, “Huh?” Those 3 seconds that I signed that card, that that meant so much to that girl. And those parents were so happy that they had been able to arrange this for her. For God’s sake, let me never be flippant about giving an autograph, because you have no idea what an impact that therefore has. I felt I should never forget this! And I have never forgotten it to this day.

Resilience. I think that’s one of your very best and strongest traits….

Gee, funny that’s never been named that way by anyone before. Yes, of course you only find that out when things get exciting. After a long period of one success after another, suddenly the only big low point for me was the bankruptcy of The Entertainment Group. We could have built that on success, but the organization had grown so big and, with all due respect, I had no understanding of that. There were so many people working there, it had just become cluttered for me. And the people who were supposed to run it had lost track of it, too.

How do you look back on the press conference after the bankruptcy?

That was a very difficult moment, I had worked really hard, with sweat on my back. I had made millions, I had been quite economical and everything was gone. I felt that I had failed and although it was not my fault, I felt that someone should speak to the press, so I did.

The day I was told I had lost everything, I drove back home, called Leontine and told her, “I have lost everything I have worked for over the past 25 years.” She then said, “Come on home honey, we’ll open the best bottle of champagne and celebrate.” Then I thought, “Wow, that’s a really weird way to look at this.” But it also gave so much liberation. I stopped just past Weesp, pulled the car over, it was snowy and sounds were muffled and I thought, “It’s actually not such a terrible day at all, it’s also a very beautiful day.” The birds whistled and I heard the whooshing of cars. It all sounded so quiet and peaceful. I had not seen this so beautiful for a long time. And that on the worst day of my life….

What did you find most difficult in this situation?

They are different things. My children literally asked, “Daddy my bed is going to stay my bed, right?” And I couldn’t say if it was, I just didn’t know. It’s the responsibility you have for your family, that’s where you stand as a man colored. I felt for years that my children could study, that I could give them the freedom to make their own choices. I was afraid that maybe that was limited.

“Everything I had trusted could no longer be trusted.”

After bankruptcy, the amount of problems and especially the speed at which they came at me was suddenly so great that I didn’t know what was above and below. I had to rebuild everything. But even then, I didn’t cramp and was able to make new relationships again.

I thought I knew myself, but I did see things about myself that I didn’t know before. It was very nice to know that this is how I react to stress. That when I am pushed under, I don’t feel the need to push others under as well.

Have you lived differently since that moment?

Yes, absolutely it actually brought me a lot too. I came out of it as a different person, but that also has to do with the TIA and the things that happened afterwards. That you become aware of your own materiality, and you think, “Wait a minute it’s about other things. Is it about making music because I need to make money, or because I still like it?” And I discovered the latter! That we were doing it because it brings so much joy, that it connects.

Last year with Symphonica in Rosso, I walked into the hall and I sang “Farewell Does Not Exist,” which is a very emotional song. And I was singing it to everyone, but I saw a woman completely leaking. I went up to that lady and tears were running down her cheeks and then I thought, “I’m singing it for you today.”

“She grabbed her phone and showed a picture. I thought: that must be her dead husband.”

Everyone accepted that she got that attention and she went full of tears, happiness, melancholy, everything I saw in her eyes. The applause was also extremely long afterwards. This is why I make music. Just like with “Beautiful. Do you stand in the shadows or do you stand in the light? That’s a choice. I always choose to stand in the light, for me the glass is always half full.

Resilience is demanded at ‘the moment you face health problems

Yes, that was the biggest wake-up call of the last few years, that your body says up to here and no further. Of course, I’ve been lucky to have made a full recovery; if it had hit my speech, I would never have been able to sing again, I wouldn’t have made my recent record. So I found that very intense. It’s determined for you that you have to make different choices. I chose then that I want to do more things that I like and if that has consequences business-wise, then the consequences, but I just have to stop doing some things.

Are you still living with anxiety about your health?

No, not with anxiety because that blocks me too much. Of course I do find it exciting, so I exercise more and I really have to put a lot more energy into it to stay fit. I take a lot of medication, so that also gives all kinds of side effects. All my life I’ve had to struggle, I’m not used to anything else. I will always do that.

“I am an intensely happy person because I feel.”

I see a positive person, but also a caring person with an enormous sense of responsibility

Yes, life is full of challenges, but I don’t want it any other way either because otherwise I can’t feel the intensity of things. Life for me is not a flat line, I feel the peaks because I know the valleys. Of course I try to give perspective, because if I only talk about successes it is easy, but I am an intensely happy person because I feel.