From functional engagement
to workplace connection
Leadership is all about guts
A young Japanese man sits at the table with his “father,” “mother” and “sister. They dine together, laugh and discuss their day. As soon as the door closes, they all go their separate ways. No real bond, just a business arrangement: three hours together, 150 euros. In Japan, you can hire almost any social role. Family, friends, guests for a party or a date. In this case, the desire to belong and seek connection comes with a price tag.
It’s confrontational. How does such hired proximity relate to our need for genuine connection? What if we extend that to the context of the workplace? To the connection with your team and colleagues? There too, connection is not unimportant. Is that connection genuine or is it all about functional involvement?
A contract as a starting point
In the workplace, we see something similar: teams that meet neatly, get results and work together in a friendly manner. Beneath that professional surface lies only something else: functional involvement. We fulfill a role, do our job and remain professional. Real connection is then far from it. Your team participates because it has to, not always because it feels truly connected.
Functional involvement is safe and predictable. That involvement has limits. As soon as tension arises, changes emerge or mistakes are made, it comes to the surface how fragile the cooperation and mutual connection sometimes is. In the example of a “hired” family, the situation at first seems genuine, but it is about a temporary division of roles. Just like in the workplace: we fulfill our professional role, but how often are we actually present as human beings?
Therein lies the answer for leaders. Because connection does not happen by itself; it must be stimulated. A leader who directs only on processes, protocols and results will remain stuck in functional involvement. A leader who consciously chooses to connect builds trust. It is that trust that makes a team agile, creative and resilient.
Focused on connection
Neurologically, we are hardwired for connection. Our brain responds strongly to genuine attention. We easily sense when someone is “there” or just playing a role. Conversations in which there is room for vulnerability, doubt and humor leave a lasting impression. These are the moments when teams find each other and move forward.
In a “hired” team, everyone nods along and people rarely say what they think. Relationships tend to feel functional. In a connected team, on the contrary, there is room for exchange. There is laughter as well as sparring, differences are expressed rather than glossed over, and there is trust to share mistakes and explore ideas.
Functional conversations activate different brain regions than conversations in which real emotions are shared. Connection that comes from the heart is remembered. Connection that comes from the head is forgotten.
It’s all about guts
Sincere connection, then, is created not because you are in a team together, but because you share something together that goes beyond tasks. Where people show something of themselves, space is created for doubt, vulnerability, humor and discomfort. When someone dares to say, “I don’t get it for a moment” or “This touches me,” psychological safety is created. Without that psychological safety, everyone stays neatly in their role. With that safety, something else arises: trust.
As a leader, you have an exemplary role in this. Sometimes it takes some searching. How vulnerable do you dare to be without undermining your position? How much space do you give your team to make mistakes and share ideas? By taking the lead in openness yourself, you create the context in which connection can grow. Yes, opening up can be exciting! By doing so, you do build an environment in which your team not only works together based on role and contract, but comes together based on connection and trust.
You don’t have to get everything right the first time; it’s okay to be curious, too. Shift from convincing or defending, to creating connection and listening. Learn to sense what is going on under the surface and name what remains unspoken. These skills fall under coaching leadership and you don’t just learn that in a meeting. You can do so by consciously reflecting on your own role and behavior.
Make a difference
Ultimately, leadership is not about managing processes, but about building trust. Perhaps it’s a good time to ask yourself a few questions. How often do you, consciously or unconsciously, choose functional involvement? Do you often dare to show something of yourself? What would happen if your team worked together not just because it had to, but because it wanted to? Leadership really begins when you dare to move away from functional involvement and choose genuine connection.
