Please
a serving of resistance

From a young age, you learn that you shouldn’t yell or hit. You are supposed to be nice and give a hug to resolve a conflict. Children express resistance purely and directly. Later you learn to use words, but the principle remains the same. Resistance we try to soften or turn into harmony as quickly as possible. Kiss it and be done. Resistance has more value than we think. What does it teach us? By making space for it, you discover what it can bring you.

The desire behind resistance

Resistance contains information that helps you reach your goal. It sometimes seems like a roadblock, but it is actually a signal that something needs attention. What does resistance tell you about the situation, yourself and the other person? Perhaps the other person is identifying risks or pitfalls that you haven’t yet seen. Ask the right questions and you’ll make resistance constructive instead of unconsciously avoiding it.

When you gather that information, you see more clearly what the other person really wants. That helps you make a new proposal that is a better fit. Substantiate first why you are making a proposal and only then share the proposal itself. That way, attention stays with your message longer. Start with the interests. For example, “Wednesday there is an expert present, therefore I would like to meet on that day.” This works better than immediately stating your preference and only then adding your arguments. Starting from common interests creates space for solutions more quickly.

Resistance is not the true culprit

Resistance itself is not a problem; you don’t have to worry about it. It shows commitment. If something doesn’t matter to you, you don’t respond either. The real risk factor is disinterest. As long as there is interest and commitment, profit is close.

Exploring the desire behind resistance does not have to be only with the other person. It can just as easily take place within yourself. If you feel resistance yourself, you may want to duck, bury your head in the sand or get defensive. Then ask yourself questions. Why does this feel uncomfortable? What triggers irritation? What makes you not want to do something? By answering these questions, you increase your awareness and thus your self-knowledge.

Reverse

When you learn to see discomfort as a source of information, the charge changes. You can stand beside it without going along with it. Then resistance becomes an opening for a new conversation, a different perspective or an alternative path. It becomes a condition for change instead of a blockage.

You can deal with resistance like you deal with a boxing match: hard against hard. e can also approach it as an oriental martial art. That feels more like a dance. How does the other person move? What are your tactics? How do you adjust them? In this way, resistance becomes a stepping stone to a solution, read: profit. It helps you move forward instead of holding you back.